


Who Grows, Who Fights, Who's Willing To Wait

by paradoxicalShipper



Category: Batgirl (Comics), Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, Birds of Prey (Comic), DCU, DCU (Comics)
Genre: F/M, Pre-New 52, from my personal headcanon timeline
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-27
Updated: 2016-03-15
Packaged: 2018-05-23 13:51:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6118384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paradoxicalShipper/pseuds/paradoxicalShipper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dick thinks he might be a little in love with her, but she’s made it clear that he’s too young, and she’s not interested. He’s willing to test that, though. </p><p>A history of Dick growing up and waiting for Barbara Gordon.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Willing To Wait For Her

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! So the timeline here is based off my heroic attempt to slot all major Batfamily events into a single timeline. But hopefully it tells the story of Dick and Barbara faithfully.

The first time Dick Grayson sees Barbara Gordon, he has no idea who she is.

All he sees is a streak of black, whirling amidst a bunch of muggers twice her size. He watches and waits, carefully keeping himself in the shadows as he studies her. She possesses an innate grace that only a dancer or a performer like himself could have, taking down the thugs with impressive skill. But she’s clearly untrained in street fighting, and it’s not long before one of the guys gets a punch through her defence.

Robin springs into action as Batman gives his consent to intervene. Within minutes, the thugs are down and handcuffed, and Robin sends the signal to the police. The figure in black turns, and he catches a glimpse of her red hair and blue eyes, smiling at him expectantly. Robin smiles back but waits, and within seconds Batman appears, stepping towards the girl.

The girl requests to join them in defending Gotham. Batman orders her to give up, that she lacks training and she would only end up hurting herself.

The girl’s expression turns stony. The woman, Dick supposes. He can tell from her voice that she’s older than her small stature implies. She takes a second to respond; Robin follows Batman to a rooftop too quickly to hear her retort.

___

 

The next time he sees her, it’s in a similar context.

This time, he’s alone. If he can persuade her to give up, perhaps she wouldn’t have to face the full force of Batman’s fury at seeing another person put themselves in danger after being warned. Especially after she recklessly throws herself off a building, at too high a speed with only a rope to hold herself up. But he saves her, and despite turning red when her error is pointed out, she refuses to give up.

He invites her to spar with him, intending to play with her and show her how easy it would be to lose and get hurt.

Before he knows it, he’s pinned on the ground, her arm over his chest. Careless. But an impressive feat on her part, even with him distracted.

Screw what Batman says, he thinks. She knows what she’s doing. And she’ll do it even if we try and stop her. If Batman won’t train her, the least I can do is to try and make him accept her.

He battles with Batman over this topic, and eventually Bruce comes around to the idea. After some training from both him and Batman, Batgirl is ready to begin action as a protector of Gotham.

 

__

 

Fighting alongside Batgirl is something special. It’s nothing like fighting with Batman, where he takes the lead, as the guide, and it’s all work and no quip. Dick feels like it’s Robin’s job to overcompensate for Batman’s moodiness whenever they’re together.

But Batgirl’s full of witty surprises, with a brain as sharp as her tongue. She’s still a little lighthearted at the wrong times, and a little too serious at other times, but it’s fun working with her, and he doesn’t have to wait long until they’re a team on their own. It’s a different kind of team from working with Batman: more communication, more collaboration, more working as two halves of a whole rather than as hero and sidekick.

It’s a breath of fresh air to Dick. Having her in Gotham makes him realise that he can be more than just sidekick Robin or leader Robin. It’s relaxing, to be able to fight and protect and patrol alongside someone who understands the serious side of things. It frees him up from the responsibility of being the serious one, and she understands that the job can be fun as well as dangerous.

Dick thinks he might be a little in love with her, but she’s made it clear that he’s too young, and she’s not interested. 

He’s willing to test that, though.

__

 

Dick’s seventeen and he’s been fighting with Bruce and he’s been busy with the Titans and running back and forth between Jump City and Gotham and he’s hardly had time to talk to Batgirl about anything.

The minute he sees her face, he knows that she knows what’s been happening. They sit together on a rooftop, her eyes illuminated by the moonlight. They talk about what being Robin means, and what being Batgirl means to her, and the Titans, and growing up.

He tells her about Starfire, and how it’s been hard to put his emotions aside when all she wants to do is talk about them. Barbara gives him a knowing look. In an instant, he can feel all his anger and hurt and confusion slipping away as, with a glance, she reminds him about everything that made crime fighting worthwhile for him. He resolves to stick it out and be strong, for all the people that he is fighting beside, and all the people that he’s fighting for.

It lasts a week before he explodes at Bruce again. He rips off his Robin mask as he storms out of the Batcave.

__

 

It is Nightwing who returns to Gotham, full of fury over being replaced. He rages at Bruce for forgetting him, for giving away the mantle that he created – the mantle named for his mother, the mantle he built for himself. The new Robin is hardly to blame for any of this, but gets caught in the crossfire.

Nightwing escapes to the roofs of Gotham, taking in the familiar skyline. He hardly notices when someone lands behind him. He jumps at the hand on his shoulder, but doesn’t turn. He knows who it is.

Batgirl is silent. He knows that she’s upset. She has every right to be angry at him for not calling, or texting, or anything, for the months that he was gone, off the radar, recreating himself.

He waits for her to break the silence – at this point, it’s hers to break. She comments on his change of costume, the lack of cape, the gold wings that spread across his chest. She asks about his new title, and the origin of it.

He tells her the story of the Nightwing of Krypton, and it turns into the story of finding himself. As the words pour from his mouth, he sees things with a new sort of clarity, the sort that only comes out around her. She asks what he thinks of the new Robin, and again, it’s she who reminds him of where he is, and of what he’s doing.

It’s still hard to face Bruce, and after making sure that the kid is okay, he passes on his old costume and leaves to join the Titans.

__

 

Dick is still in Jump City when he hears about Batgirl. It’s been days since she was shot, and he only found out through the news. He’s furious at Bruce for not telling him, and he leaves for Gotham as soon as possible. He is greeted by her father at the hospital, and when Barbara sees him she closes her eyes, as if she could wish him away.

He doesn’t want to crowd her. Her father told him about her paralysis, of how she’d never be able to stand, or dance, or fight on her feet, ever again. He can’t imagine it, being forever tethered to the ground, unable to leap and bound in the way that’s always been freedom for him.

He can’t imagine her pain, and he knows that she needs space to heal herself before he can do anything for her. So he squeezes her hand and strokes her hair, and when she locks herself in her room upon arriving home, he lets her be.

__

 

When things end with the Titans, Dick goes back to Gotham. Rather, he goes down the river from Gotham, to Bludhaven, where he can be of most help. But it’s close enough to Gotham that he can hop on a train and visit Barbara at the clock tower.

She has her own thing going with the Birds of Prey, and he can only watch in awe as she dedicates every part of her body and mind that still works to her work. To saving the world, albeit through someone else. She’s still sad and frustrated, and Dick can tell that she thinks she’ll never be able to fly. He does what he can to remind her that she still can do what she wants, be it flying or fighting or having fun.

He never did stop loving her, and he thinks that maybe both of them are ready for that now. Being with Starfire and the Titans made him grow into the person he is, which is a little of Batman and a little of Starfire and some of just Dick Grayson. And maybe that’s just grown-up enough for Barbara Gordon.

She blushes and brushes him off, sometimes a little too defensively, but when he grabs her chin and kisses her she doesn’t protest for too long. They’re most definitely not dating, though, according to her. But Dick’s willing to wait for that.


	2. Hear Me, That Would Be Enough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dick Grayson's maybe almost just ready and Barbara Gordon just can't hear him sometimes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you would notice, my personal Batfamily timeline also removes some major events in DickBabs' history that I find problematic. I hope the story explains itself :)

 

It’s been far too long, and Barbara Gordon finally caves in.

Things don’t change much from the way they were before — Nightwing still has Bludhaven to guard, and the Oracle still has the Birds of Prey to manage. But he still jumps on a train at every opportunity, just for the chance to see her annoyed smile every time he gets past her security systems.

He travels to her home to watch her in her zone: the familiar look of concentration fixed in her eyes as she dictates, navigates and oversees. He watches as she extends her help to so many, saving lives and families, all from within four walls. Dick is in awe of her.

But he knows she still feels like her wings have been clipped, as if no matter how much she does as the Oracle, it’ll never make up for the thrill of being out in the field, watching over the skyline at midnight. And he understands that. So he tries to give her the space she needs, to be there to make her forget about her legs and to just be her.

Growing up taught him that sometimes, people need to be told things that they already know.

 

__

 

 

Despite his’s best efforts, sometimes, Barbara doesn’t hear him.

She doesn’t hear him when he proclaims his love for her, through his words, through his lips, through his every action.

She doesn’t hear him when he tells her that she’s beautiful, or that she’s perfect the way she is.

She doesn’t hear him when he grabs her face and gazes into her eyes, reminding her over and over that the past is the past and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

There are times when he thinks she hears him, and she smiles and seems to forget, for a second, the doubt that rages behind her walls. He lives for those times. But those only last for so long. And there’s only so long that either of them can wait for her to hear him.

As Bludhaven pulls him away more and more, he knows she’s not seeing what he’s seeing. Their paths are once again going in different directions, this time in a way that Dick can’t see the end of.

 

__

 

 

Dick knows what’s coming. He doesn’t want it, and he fights it as hard as he can.

Barbara points out how he’s acting like Bruce. It’s not what he wants to hear, and maybe he’s not quite ready to accept that he’s like his mentor in that way, too. And maybe it’s the Bruce in him that lead him to strike out, in a way that he knows will hurt, without thinking about which part her he’s hurting.

She asks him why he loves her. He can see the resignation in her eyes. He holds on to her with every word, trying to get her to hear how he loves every part of her, and how he’s willing to wait for her. He tells her how he’s always loved her, how he’ll always love her.

But he knows that it’s too late, that nothing will stop her from going down the path that leads away from him. Or maybe it’s him going away from her. That was never something he’d intended to do.

He kneels, grabbing both of her hands in his, hoping desperately that this time, she’ll hear him. Dick knows body language; he knows how to plead with every bit of his body, to show her exactly how much he means his words.

He can feel the exact moment her walls go up. Barbara’s gaze drops away from his, and she wheels her chair back to deliver the death blow. It hurts her to say it, as much as it hurts him to hear it, but both of them know that there was no avoiding it.

 

__

 

 

Dick is stumbling; he’s crashing; he’s lost. Haley’s Circus is burning and his world is crumbling and he doesn’t realise where he is until he’s standing at Barbara’s door. When she answers, his legs go out underneath him, and he is falling.

She reaches her arms around him, guiding him closer to her as she coaxes the words out of him. He can’t do much more than sob into her lap, heaving and gasping. Somehow her presence is the only thing that makes sense — the only bit of calm in the storm.

She’s the only one besides Bruce who knows how much Haley’s Circus means to him; she’s the only person he can think of who could maybe, maybe make this better. Its her voice that’s keeping him tethered right now, in the middle of all the desperation he’s feeling. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he wonders at how her voice can reach him in a time like this, when Barbara is so closed off that she couldn’t hear him even when he was the only voice around. Or maybe she had other voices screaming in her head, then, too.

He’s hardly aware of what’s going on as Barbara guides him to her bed, laying him down as he finally calms down. He curls up in her sheets, breathing in the familiar scent that he’s missed.

Dick Grayson drifts off, glad for a moment for the steady calm that he has the privilege of loving.

The next morning forces him back to reality. Barbara doesn’t want to get back together, and by now he knows he can’t change her mind. But it still hurts, and he slams the door shut behind him too quickly to hear her reply.

 

__

 

 

Dick Grayson feels like a coward.

He can’t bring himself to face Barbara, but he knows that he has to make amends. Maybe it’s being on the brink of the Tarantula case that’s making him want to resolve things. Maybe he just can’t leave things like that, not with her.

Dick knows what he has to do, even if he can’t make himself say it to her face.

He picks up the phone, and when it goes to voicemail, he speaks. It’s not the best declaration of sorry, or love, or anything really, but it’s something. He hopes it’s enough.

 

__

 

 

They have a moment alone before he leaves again. Dick knew he couldn’t leave Barbara the way they ended things, with a phone call and no words spoken in between. He still loves her, more than ever, and he’s certain that if he comes back from this mission, he’d be ready to face whatever challenges they had head on.

But the ‘if’ in the question is what’s stopping him from promising her anything at this point. He could die. He can’t lie to himself about the possibility, not when the stakes are so high he has no idea what the cost could be. He could die and leave her with an empty promise and a broken heart.

Besides, he has no idea if she’s as ready as he is, and asking her now would just be manipulative, at best. So he kneels beside her legs, taking her hands in his as he used to, and promises with his eyes. Barbara’s eyes shine through her glasses fiercely, demanding that he come back to fulfil that promise.

If he knew that his eyes were the thing that could get through to her, he’d have tried that a lot sooner. But they lean in at the same time, each mirroring the others’ need. Tears stream down her cheeks; Dick tastes the salt on her lips as he pulls away.

I love you. He hardly needs to say it, but he does anyway. She mouths the words back, as she dries her eyes and prepares to send off the rest of the team.

At least he knows they’re on the same page, now. Maybe after all this is over they can have a fresh start.

 

__

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we plunge into full-on headcanon territory! Should I keep going


	3. In The Eye Of The Hurricane There Is Quiet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dick and Barbara are busy navigating a shitstorm and Dick is waiting for the perfect moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My chapter titles are becoming more and more garbage. And I'm so sorry, I expected it to end happily at this chapter, but I started writing and realized how much more garbage I can stand to give to this world. So we drag in some new 52 stuff, though without the stuff that I hate and with the history of preboot still completely intact :)

It turns out that nothing is ever that simple. They’re busy; wrapped up in their own things, in protecting Bludhaven and Gotham. And the rest of the world needs protecting too. 

It’s an excuse, but one good enough that Dick never has the time to travel up and talk about them. And when he does see Barbara, the moments are always too precious to risk disrupting with serious talk. 

He still tries to help her remember flying. She’s told him it’s what she misses most, and damn if he won’t do everything possible to let her have that. A part of him hopes that if she can’t forget about the past, at least she’ll remember the present. 

But they still drift, and Dick is busy, and he’s able to ignore the part of him that is just waiting for an excuse to jump on the next train to Gotham. 

 

—

 

There was nothing and suddenly everything is happening and nothing makes sense and he was pretending to be busy but this is the real meaning of busy when everything is happening and everything is beyond his control and Dick has no idea what to do. 

He knows he has to go back to Gotham. Bruce is gone and somehow nobody was remotely prepared for that to happen. Bruce left behind a kid who needs some serious love and guidance. Cassandra is incredibly capable, but its the Bat that needs to live on for them to hold on to any power. 

Dick knows he has to go back to Gotham, but he’s spent so long just waiting for something to force him to go back. Now the perfect opportunity is before him, and he just wants to scream at the world for giving it to him this way. But there’s no time for his grief now. It’s time to go back to the place this all started, and safeguard the legacy that he was a part of building. 

He tries not to think about all the reasons he wanted to come back, and all the reasons he stayed away. 

 

— 

 

It took a lot to convince him to step into Batman’s shoes. But his unwillingness doesn’t mean a lack of will to enforce Batman’s standards on those he recruits. And that includes those the Oracle recruits. 

Dick has worked with kids all his life, training them, observing, knowing when they’re ready for the field. As much as he respects Barbara’s intelligence, he knows when someone’s not ready. Barbara is looking out for Stephanie, but she hasn’t had the opportunity to see Stephanie in the field. And Dick isn’t Bruce. He cares, more than anything, about the safety of others. Bruce’s decision the last time to let Stephanie into the field was a mistake—a huge, manipulative, destructive mistake. And while he would never do something like that, he is acutely aware of Stephanie’s vulnerability.

The argument is heated, there are so many words, but there’s so much that they’re not saying. He won’t let Stephanie in the field, because Bruce isn’t here and he can’t let someone risk themselves when they’re not ready and he can’t just betray everything Bruce taught him and he’s the one who has to make all the decisions Bruce would make right now because— 

Bruce isn’t here. 

Hearing the words come from her mouth is enough to remind him of what he’s doing. He is Batman, but he is also a brother. He is also Dick Grayson. He is what he made himself to be, and he isn’t going to make decisions for other people when he has no right to. Bruce isn’t here, and he’s not Bruce. 

He leaves before she has time to say anything else. 

 

__

 

They talk about it, when things are calmer and emotions less volatile. Dick and Barbara are responsible, mature adults, and they can resolve a conflict. Even if Dick’s sitting on the floor with a bandage over his chest and arm, a sight from less mature days. 

They use their words, and the veil between their views shifts, and they each see the unlikely mirrors the other has found. Being able talk about their younger selves so freely makes him marvel. It’s clear that Barbara’s moved on from her pain, to the point that her active days bring back fond memories instead of the sharp agony of grief. 

If Dick was younger, or had fewer things on his mind, he might have jumped at that revelation. It’s precisely the thing he’s been waiting for. But for now he lets her talk him into mentoring Stephanie and contemplates his own tasks. 

Leaning against her chair, they joke lightly, and slip into familiar banter. And that’s more than enough for Dick right now. 

__ 

 

Dick has a lot of things on his mind. And flirting with Barbara was not one of them. That sort of thing just slips past his guards, finding its way into their banter. He loves it. It’s familiar, and easy, and everything he’d been wishing for in all the time that he was away. 

She’s the first to bring up their history, and he shoots back, once again silently marvelling the ease of the conversation. A part of him, crammed into the furthest corners of his mind, realises what this means. For her, for them. 

But it’s not the right time, and Dick’s not completely in the groove yet. There’s Damian to think about, and honestly this is the kind of thing you put on hold for the perfect moment. 

__

 

Lo and behold, the perfect moment arises. Bruce is back on the scene, bless Tim for being the smart one, the one who could always see what everyone else dismissed as grief. Bruce is back, bringing with him a sense of safety and the shoulders that are unbent from bearing the symbol of the Bat, and Dick couldn’t be happier. It feels like a huge weight has been taken off his chest. 

Bruce still wants him to be Batman, sometimes, so that he can focus on whatever big plans he has next for their little family, but he’s okay with that. Damian still needs love and attention, the kind Dick knows Bruce can’t provide, and his reaction when Dick pronounced his freedom from the mantle was enough to make him want to stay, at least for a while longer. 

But all that is nothing compared to the sense of freedom he feels when he puts on his Nightwing gear for the first time in months and leaps through the rooftops of Gotham. This is happiness. This is perfection. 

He knows he’ll be staying in Gotham for the indefinite future, and while things could always be more ideal, the timing’s about as perfect as it’ll ever get. 

__

 

Dick should have predicted this. He should have realised that with him holding down the fort, Bruce would never have returned without a good enough reason. It had been bothering him in the back of his mind, every time Bruce told him to take a shift as Batman, but he’d been too happy to even consider it. 

Going undercover is one thing. Faking his death in the eyes of everyone he loves and going into deep cover with only Bruce knowing about it is another thing entirely. 

But Bruce is right about the threat to them, and he’s right about the threat to everyone in the community. He’s right about the need to infiltrate this secret organisation that supposedly knows all their identities. And he’s right about the need to cut off all contact with everyone outside when on a mission like this. But Dick doesn’t have to like it. 

He would give anything to be able to tell Barbara he loves her, to be able to hold on to that tiny bit of assurance before he won’t see her for months, or even years. But she’ll have to think he’s dead, and once again, he won’t make her go through that kind of pain. So he'll just have to wait.


End file.
